Words have power. Imagine telling yourself you can’t do something. Do you feel eager to try something when you are doubting yourself? Probably not. Now imagine telling yourself you can do it. You’re more likely to attempt and succeed when you use uplifting language. You have the power to shape how you speak to yourself. If you find you engage in negative self-talk there are strategies you can use.

Reframing Exercise

When you think negatively of yourself, or put yourself down, this is considered a limiting belief. These beliefs often include words like “can’t,” “should” and “never.” The language you use reflects how you feel about yourself and that situation. By using a reframing exercise, you can take a limiting belief and make it a new, empowering belief. You can practice this belief in your head, so it’s easy to do on-the-go. It may also be powerful to write these mindset shifts down and practice saying them out loud.

Limiting Belief: I can’t cook, so I can’t eat healthy.
 

Empowering Belief: I have the tools to learn how to support myself and nourish my body.
 

Limiting Belief: I don’t know how to build a workout plan, so I can’t lose weight.

Empowering Belief: I can move my body more each day with a walk to start. When I’m ready, I can ask for assistance at the gym.

Limiting Belief: I should get more sleep, but I can’t put my phone down at night.

Empowering Belief: I deserve to feel rested and can make a nighttime routine that supports healthy sleep habits.

The key to empowering beliefs isn’t to be cheesy or over-affirming. These are just for you, so make them fit into a narrative you feel is achievable. Empowering beliefs may be difficult to create at first. Acknowledge that there may be barriers to changing your mindset while still recognizing that speaking kindly to yourself can get you further than speaking negatively.

Three Opportunities for Success

Oftentimes, if things don’t go our way, we give up. We know difficult times will occur in life. Maybe you’re going through a difficult time now. It’s helpful to shift an all-or-nothing approach to a multi-opportunity approach. Start with three times of day. For example, breakfast, lunch and dinner or morning, afternoon and night. If something goes wrong, you don’t handle a situation the way you hoped, you get bad news, etc. in one segment of your day, that still leaves two segments where you can experience success.

It’s important to remember that though life can happen to you at times, life can also happen for you. This means that you have control over how you view your circumstances, speak to yourself and measure success. Maybe success looks like passing an exam or hitting an exercise goal. Maybe success looks like remembering to eat a meal or going to bed on time. Using three opportunities for success each day puts you in the driver’s seat – you give yourself permission to succeed no matter what.

Diffuse from Distress

When you experience negative emotions, you may describe yourself as the emotion you are feeling. For example, “I am anxious.” When experiencing chronic stress including work, home and relationship stress, you may not recognize if you have taken on the identity of that emotion by the way you frame it. If you tell yourself over and over that you are what you feel, this can lead to even more stress.

Diffuse from distress means to put space between you and what you are feeling. Instead of saying “I am anxious,” you’d say, “I am feeling anxiety.” This can be done with any negative emotion. Feelings come and go, and we experience an entire range of emotions throughout life. By putting space between you and what you feel, you give your nervous system a break from overdrive.

Initial Thought: I am stressed.

Diffused Thought: I feel stressed. I have the ability to engage in activities that help me feel less stressed.

Initial Thought: I am heartbroken.

Diffused Thought: I feel heartbroken. I know this feeling won’t be this intense forever.

Diffusing from distress doesn’t mean you ignore or push down what you’re feeling. It acknowledges what you’re feeling without it defining you. You may experience fear, anxiety and sadness, but know they aren’t indefinite. They ebb and flow just like more positive emotions.

The way you speak to yourself impacts your outcomes. When you use kind words and lean into your strengths, you are more likely to experience success. If you believe you cannot do something, your outcomes will likely be different than if you believe you can do something. As you move throughout your day, ask yourself: Am I setting myself up for success in the way I speak to myself? If not, you have the power to shift your negative thoughts into a positive future.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, contact the Military Crisis Line at 988 and press 1, or Text 838255. You can also call 911.