YES, Consent Is Sexy! Have you ever heard the saying “If it’s not an enthusiastic “YES,” then it’s a no?” This sentiment is a great way to think of consent, which is an agreement given willfully without pressure by all people involved. It’s key with anyone you interact with, especially sexual partners, to gain consent before any physical intimacy. Clear boundaries must be expressed and respected before, during and after sexual activity. Asking for—and providing—consent is a must for healthy sexual interactions. Ways to Give Consent Continuously Voluntarily Conscious & Aware Clearly & Explicitly Confidently Without Coercion Enthusiastically While Sober You actively choose to participate. No one deceives you into making your decision. Substance use can impact your decision-making. Clearly stating “Yes!” or “Absolutely,” for example. You can choose to stop at any time; consent can be taken back. If you’re unsure what you’re comfortable with, you can take a moment for clarity. Recognize if you’re excited to do what you’re doing. Similar to making decisions while sober, identifying if you have control in a situation to be making the decision to engage in sexual acts. YES, Consent Is Sexy! Enthusiastic consent goes beyond not hearing “no;” it also means hearing a verbal “yes” and experiencing nonverbal cues, like positive body language (e.g., smiling, eye contact and nodding). Positive body language alone does not imply consent – verbal confirmation is still needed. If it feels awkward to talk about sexual activity with your partner, that’s normal! Having open conversations about what you do and don’t like in the bedroom can feel taboo and it can lead to a healthier, more enjoyable sex life. By communicating your needs with your partner, you build trust and respect. Even if it feels uncomfortable to voice these things to your partner, know that consent, and the conversations around boundaries, comfort levels and interests, is sexy! Check with your partner frequently to ensure everyone feels comfortable and safe during, as well. How to Give and Receive Consent Ask permission before changing the type or degree of sexual engagement. You can phrase this as, “Is this okay?” Confirm there is agreed interest before any physical touch. Reassure your partner they can ask to stop at any time. Check in frequently throughout sexual activities. Provide positive feedback when you like something. Explicitly agree by saying “yes” or affirming statements like “I’m open to trying now.” Use physical cues in addition to a verbal agreement. What About Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)? If you have an STI, tell your sexual partner before engaging in any sexual activity. It’s illegal to knowingly or recklessly spread an STI. Though the conversation may be a little scary, it’s essential to be open and honest with one another. If either of you have STIs, talk to your health care provider about treatment options and prevention of future STIs. What Consent IS NOT External factors like pressure, threat or violence invalidate any verbal “yes” or silent “no.” If someone is unconscious or asleep, they cannot consent to any sexual activity. Remember, consent for one activity does not mean consent for all activities; consent can be taken back at any time. Additionally, if someone is under 18 years of age, they cannot consent. Unequal power dynamics, such as at work, also imply it cannot be freely given. Consent is invalid if: UnconsciousWithdrawnPower ImbalanceAssumedUnderagePressured UnconsciousWithdrawnPower ImbalanceAssumedUnderagePressured It’s given under pressure, fear, threats, or manipulation. Someone is unconscious, asleep, or incapacitated. It’s assumed from: silence body language alone past encounters One person holds power over another (e.g., superior-subordinate relationships). The person is under 18 years old, regardless of what they say. Consent for one activity does not imply consent for another and can be withdrawn at any time. Understanding Sexual Coercion Sexual coercion is when someone pressures, uses substances like drugs and alcohol or forces sexual contact on someone against their will. Sexual coercion can be obvious, but in some situations, it may not be as easy to determine someone’s intentions. Recognize the signs of sexual coercion, leave immediately if you experience any of these and seek help. Continuing attempts at sexual contact after refusal. Making someone feel like they “owe” you sexual activities. Using excessive, ingenuine compliments to sway someone into sexual activities. Verbal aggression and physical restraint. Prompting or forcing substance use to make someone more likely to say “yes.” Applying pressure or threatening your significant other, using the relationship as the excuse. Reacting with sadness or anger when someone says “no.” Claiming you “need” sexual activities or shaming someone for saying “no.” YES, consent is sexy, and it can be fun, relationship-building and exciting! No matter who your partner is, open communication about being physically intimate is healthy. As a Warfighter, staying both physically and mentally healthy is a top priority for mission readiness. Talk to your partner about what a healthy sexual relationship looks like to you, so you are on the same page. Additional ResourcesAir Force SAPR Army SHARP Coast Guard SAPR Marines SAPR Navy SAPR National Guard SAPR Space Force SAPR Army Resilience Collective - “Talk Consent to Me: Your Guide to Doing It Right”Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) SafeHelpline - Sexual Assault Support for the DoD Community Service Women’s Action Network (SWAN) ReferencesAmerican Sexual Health Association - “Understanding Consent”U.S. DoD Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Office (SAPRO) - “U.S. DoD Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Office (SAPRO)”
